I want to use my friend’s baby name – she’s miscarried and won’t get pregnant

by pregnancy journalist

A PREGNANT woman has caused division online after saying she wants to use her friend’s baby name – and she doesn’t care that her friend has suffered two miscarriages.

Posting on Mumsnet, she explained that she and her friend talk every day but only meet up once a year, so doesn’t feel guilty if she was to use it.

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“She has sadly had two miscarriages, the most recent being around a year ago. Anyway, we were talking about baby names and I mentioned a few that I liked (not necessarily considering, but just names that I like) and she replied with names she likes,” she said.

“Well, one of the names she mentioned, is a name I also like, but had forgotten about. I mentioned this name to my partner, along with other names, and he decided that he prefers that name over the others.”

The mum-to-be said her friend would be upset if they used that name and if she did have a baby, she wouldn’t be able to use it herself.

“We speak about her losses and fertility struggles just as much as we speak about my toddler and pregnancy,” the woman explained.

“I’ve never ever disregarded her feelings or anything, but I feel like she’s taking this a bit too far.

“It’s not as if this name is the one she was going to call her baby that she lost, she never even said it was a name she would have considered, purely just that it was one of many names she likes.”

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The woman went on to say that if her friend had said this was going to be the name she’d use if she carried her baby to full term, she’d be “respectful and not use it”.

She explained that she also wouldn’t have told her partner if her friend was already planning on using it.

Now the poster is halfway through her pregnancy and this is the only name both she and her partner like.

The woman went on to say: “I’m sure many of us, whether it’s written down or just in our head, have some point in our life made a list of baby names, so if I were to never be able to call my baby a name purely because it was on someone else’s list, then I’d not really have many names to choose from would I?

“So, am I out of order for liking a name that my friend also likes and possibly wanting to use it for my baby, even though she didn’t know the gender of her baby (was 6 weeks when she miscarried), she isn’t pregnant, and possibly may never be, or may not even have the same gender as me anyway?”

The comment section was divided, with both camps being passionate about their stance.

A variety of people believed she should be more considerate and think of a different name.

“Just let her have the name. She’s lost enough. You’re getting a baby, which she may never have, that you can name from thousands of other names,” one woman said.

“Until you’ve lost a baby you’ll never know. I’ve been there two stillbirths. Be considerate please,” a second person commented.

Another labelled the woman as “harsh” before saying: “YABU (You are being unreasonable). You had ‘forgotten’ about this name until she mentioned it. Tbh you don’t sound like a very good friend.”

Other people encouraged her to use the name but to be wary of the consequences.

“No one owns a name. If you love it, take the name. But be aware that your friend is also likely to never forgive you deep down,” one person said.

“It’s sad that she has m/c twice, but she has no right to say you cannot use the name you want, just because she likes it,” another person wrote.

“Ignore people saying you don’t sound like a good friend. No-one owns a name, and your friend is being unreasonable. Use the name.”

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And my mother-in-law announced our baby’s name before he was born – I can’t stop crying,she’s ruined it & I might change it.

This content was originally published here.

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