We often find that partners find it hard to express how they feel coping with the grief of losing a baby and potentially also losing their partner.
Daniel Rush has decided to raise awareness and funds for the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust by cycling from London to Newcastle in July with some work colleagues. He has found it cathartic sitting down, thinking and writing an honest and open account of how harrowing the past 4 years have been for Laura and himself.
Dan’s Story – The Man’s Perspective:
“Over the last 4 years Laura and I have been trying to start a family unfortunately with little success.
Since we met we always knew we wanted children, It’s one of the reasons I knew she was the one. We are both pretty healthy and just assumed things would naturally happen, after all it seemed like everyone else was getting pregnant, how hard could it be?
In the 4 years we have gotten pregnant twice. The first pregnancy ended in an ectopic in the tube. This was found at a scan due to complications just before our 12 week scan was due. I remember sitting in the room with her when we were given the news, as soon as she cracked, so did I. We just held each other and cried, it felt like we wouldn’t stop. At that time I hoped I would never have to see Laura that upset again, I just couldn’t let it happen, she didn’t deserve it. Life went on hold personally after the surgery but jobs, family and friends all had to continue. I felt like I needed to be the rock for her but inside I found this more difficult than I had imagined. It felt overly dramatic but I realised I could have lost Laura if this hadn’t been caught and I don’t know what I would do without her.
We continued to try….
The second pregnancy more recently looked like it was good news, at our first scan all seemed well and the staff performing the scan had great news! We got to see our baby and its heartbeat and could think about starting to make the plans for the future, we were elated, it felt like early days but we had made it!
Coming out of the room and needing to wait to sort a future appointment, 20 minutes passed by, we sensed something wasn’t right. Our fears were proven right. On reviewing the scans the staff saw some problems which required a re-scan. What they discovered was that Laura had a Cornual Ectopic pregnancy, these are more difficult to diagnose as the pregnancy looks like it is in the right place, but actually isn’t. This meant this pregnancy needed to be ended as well and further surgery for Laura which went beyond the tube removal last time. The surgery took longer than expected and I couldn’t get an update, I was worried that something had gone wrong in the surgery and it took all my strength to stay calm.
I couldn’t believe it, Laura and I were devastated and the further surgery could make things the end of the road (luckily it hasn’t). The overriding feeling was that as much as I wanted a child, I knew Laura would be wanting it more, I couldn’t imagine what she was going through and it felt so cruel and unfair that this had happened again. How dare I feel like this when it is so much worse for her.
After the first ectopic I think I buried my feelings, the second has made it harder to cope, how could we only get pregnant twice and both be ectopic? Is this ever going to happen for us? Does Laura have to risk her life every time she gets pregnant? We’ve planned, got a family home, a family car, everything is set up and ‘on the surface’ perfect but there is a giant piece missing that we desperately want to fill. Recently Laura has been the stronger one as the grief of these losses has caught up with me somewhat, I’ve come to realise the world behind all this and the amount of women and their partners affected. I’ve read up and looked at the accounts from women and other men and seen that I’m not the only one thinking the things I do, that I’m not losing it. I have a lot of anger about this and I’m slowly dealing with it. All the while feeling like I’m letting Laura down by not being as strong as I can be for her.
I’ve learned many things about myself over the past year. The main thing is the love that Laura and I have for each other and although difficult at the moment, we will be coming out of this the other side stronger. I try and support Laura as best I can, most of the time I feel like I can’t give her enough, there has been a strong sense of guilt in all this that I’ve let her down. I even feel guilty writing this.
I said earlier I hoped I would never see Laura that upset again. I saw it happen a second time and in worse circumstances. It will be a long time before thinking about it doesn’t make me emotional (if I can ever shake it). Material from The Ectopic Trust and the website have massively helped us and provided the gateway to understanding how things are and how to seek help. I may have to see Laura as upset again, you can’t guarantee things are going to go well. I just hope I don’t have to but knowing the support is out there makes things that bit easier.
There is so much more I could write about this, but ultimately I felt like I had to do something to repay the support and raise awareness around ectopic pregnancies and the devastating effect they can have. I’m going to be cycling from London to Newcastle in July with some work colleagues, we’re doing it over 5 days due to the mix of abilities, my colleagues will be raising money for their own causes close to their hearts. I’m lucky that I still have Laura and the potential that we may still have a child and I’m eternally grateful for that.
If you would like to support and help Daniel with his fundraising please take a look at his fundraising page.
Finding out that you are pregnant is one of the joyous moments in a woman’s life. Sugar pregnancy test is a very simple way that can be done at home with just some sugar. A lot of women try homemade pregnancy tests because of their lack of access to proper clinics or medical stores from where they can get a pregnancy test kit. For these women, the best form of pregnancy test that comes in handy is DIY test. There are various other ways to test your pregnancy using a homemade pregnancy kit like bleach, toothpaste or soap. It is imperative for one to be cautious before picking the type of homemade pregnancy test to use. DIY home pregnancy test with sugar is not harmful.
Things to Keep in Mind while Performing Homemade Pregnancy Test
Even if the results of the home pregnancy tests with sugar show that you are not pregnant, you must visit the doctor to be sure that you really are not pregnant. This is because the pregnancy tests done at home can be inaccurate and will therefore, make you miss on the very important prenatal care that you need during . The ingredients that you pick for your home pregnancy test must be chosen wisely because some of these products can do more harm than benefit. One such ingredient that is most commonly used in home pregnancy tests is bleach, which while being used, must not be inhaled.
Basics of Home Pregnancy Tests
Any homemade pregnancy test is done to check for the presence of the , hCG, in the urine. The amount of hCG that is present in a woman’s urine determines whether she is pregnant or not. A woman releases this hormone the most when she is pregnant.
The Best Time to Take Home Pregnancy Test with Sugar
The best time to take a home pregnancy test with sugar is in the morning, immediately after one has got up from sleep. The first morning urine is usually not diluted and is the best to tell if one is pregnant or not.
How to Do Homemade Pregnancy Test with Sugar?
To perform home pregnancy test with sugar, take a bowl and add two to three spoons of sugar into it. When you have an urge to urinate, pee into the bowl. Watch out for the reaction. If the sugar dissolves, you are not pregnant, but if it clumps up, you certainly are. Try to use this method in the morning to get the most accurate results.
You should visit your doctor to know accurate results. Homemade pregnancy tests must be used only when other alternatives are not available.
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A video shared on Facebook of an eight-week-old preborn child who had to be removed because of an ectopic pregnancy is proving that human life begins at conception and that abortion takes the life of a human being.
Jonathan Van Maren, communications director for the Canadian Centre for Bio-Ethical Reform, originally shared the video two years ago, but it is now gaining more attention through the Nurses&Midwives4Life Ireland Facebook page.
WARNING: The video below is difficult to watch.
The heartbreaking video shows the preborn child moving his or her tiny head and limbs just as any baby, born or preborn, would. But this child will not survive. He or she was removed from the mother due to an ectopic pregnancy in which the baby began growing outside of the womb. While babies who grow in their mother’s abdomen have been known to survive, a baby who begins to develop in the Fallopian tube will not survive and is an immediate risk to the mother’s life.
This video and this baby’s life can teach us two things about pregnancy and abortion. First, at eight weeks old, the approximate age of this child, the preborn baby has developed enough to be easily recognized as a human being. Abortion at this stage is committed one of two ways. One way is via a surgical abortion that involves suctioning the child from the womb with a force powerful enough to destroy the little body. Former abortionist Dr. Anthony Levatino describes this procedure in the video below:
The second type of abortion procedure used during the first trimester is the abortion pill, which starves the preborn child. Thankfully the effects of the pill can be reversed in some cases before the second pill is taken. Dr. Levatino describes how the abortion pill kills a child in the video below:
One woman who took the abortion pill describes what it was like to see her aborted child:
“Within two hours of taking the second set of pills, I had the baby in the toilet,” she said. “When I turned around there it was in the sack and everything. I broke open the sack and held the helpless little baby in my hand. I cried and felt like I had just murdered someone so innocent.”
The second thing we can learn from the child in the video is that abortion is not necessary to save the mother’s life. A common pro-abortion argument is that abortion is necessary in cases in which a pregnancy threatens the life or health of the mother. One of the go-to examples for abortion advocates is an ectopic pregnancy. They argue that we need abortion in order to save the mother. However, as can be seen in the video, this child is alive. She or he was not actively killed when removed from the Fallopian tube, therefore an abortion was not committed. Abortion is the act of intentionally taking the life of a preborn child. Instead, doctors can safely and quickly deliver the child and save the mother’s life. The mother’s life is spared, and depending on the age of the child, the child’s life can be spared as well.
Unfortunately, this particular child could not survive due to his or her age. Perhaps in the future, technology will provide women with options that will allow them and their children to survive. No matter what, this child was clearly a human being and deserving of life. It is a tragedy to have lost him or her.
Women who think they may be pregnant dread false readings – whether positive or negative. A false reading on a home pregnancy test can result in a conflicted situation. Some women get their hopes up, anticipating a pregnancy that does not exist. Others continue about their daily lives, under the impression that they are not pregnant when they should be arranging a visit with their family doctor.
Worse than a false reading on a home pregnancy test, is an accurate reading that cannot be made out due to a blurry or discolored screen, or a simple error made while taking the test. While pregnancy tests may not be considered an expensive item, they certainly are not deemed to be inexpensive either, especially if their purpose is not served. This disappointment can be avoided with the use of digital pregnancy tests, which are now widely available for purchase.
Traditional vs. Digital
Digital pregnancy tests provide the same accuracy as traditional tests tend to produce. However, a digital pregnancy test practically eliminates the possibility of misreading the test, by providing a clear result on a digital screen. Traditional pregnancy tests have been known to deliver a result that is unclear, hard to read or an odd color, but digital pregnancy tests provide a clearly written, ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’. This clear result eliminates any guesswork, as well as preventing disappointment, due to a false positive or negative reading.
How Do Pregnancy Tests Work?
Home pregnancy tests are manufactured to detect the presence of the hCG hormone, Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, in a woman’s urine. This hormone enters the bloodstream as soon as six days after the egg is fertilized. The levels of hCG that can be detected increase at a rapid pace, which is why the possibility of a false positive decreases over time. Some home pregnancy tests are specifically manufactured for the purpose of detecting the hCG hormone up to a week sooner than their competitors, which is a valuable selling point for women who are eager to see their results.
Some manufacturers of digital home pregnancy tests claim that their product can predict pregnancy with 99% accuracy, on the first day of a missed menstrual cycle. While it is possible to see an accurate result this early in the first trimester, it has been proven that most tests are inaccurate at this point in pregnancy.
Because of the small amount of the hormone hCG in the body during the very early stages of pregnancy, it is recommended to wait at least a week after missing a menstrual cycle before taking a home pregnancy test. Women who test themselves too early in the pregnancy are more likely to receive a false reading. Women who are patient, and wait a few extra days, save time and money by obtaining an accurate result, the first time.
How To Choose The Best Digital Pregnancy Test
When purchasing a digital home pregnancy test, consumers should look at some factors before making their ultimate purchasing decision.
First, a budget should be established. Keep in mind that even the highest quality digital home pregnancy tests can be incorrectly used, or give a false reading. That said, inexpensive and generic brand home pregnancy tests claim to possess the same level of accuracy, so the cost of the home pregnancy test should be considered with other factors as well. Some digital home pregnancy tests come in packages of two or three, assuring women that the results that they receive are accurate, and saving them additional money, or time spent purchasing another test.
Choosing between a generic brand, and that of a more well-known manufacturer requires that a woman weighs a number of factors, as well. Brand name digital pregnancy tests are usually more expensive than generic digital pregnancy tests.
However, they often provide faster results, and some manufacturers guarantee results sooner as well. It is worth spending the extra money on a brand name if the factors are held to be important. Women who are not particularly concerned with time restraints, and just want an inexpensive but accurate result can opt to purchase a generic brand pregnancy test, and they are often satisfied with their purchase and results.
Some home pregnancy tests will offer clear and straightforward instructions, which make accurate results more likely to see. Women who are comparing home pregnancy tests should take a look at the packaging, and ensure that they understand the instructions for use. If the instructions are not clear, it may be better to choose another product, or consult with a doctor or pharmacist who may be able to clear up any misunderstanding as to how the product is effectively used.
Brand name manufacturers of home pregnancy tests offer some tests that can provide a faster or earlier result. For women who do not hold patience as their highest virtue, these brands may be the best purchase option. Additionally, some women require a confirmed result earlier than others for purposes to do with their individual health or the health of the fetus.
Brand name, digital home pregnancy tests are often more expensive but can be found in multiple packs that save a few dollars. In choosing a home pregnancy test, determine the importance of taking more than one test, for peace of mind, as well as whether or not credibility is something that is held to be important.
Many women prefer the peace of mind that they get from choosing to use a digital home pregnancy test over a traditional test. The best digital home pregnancy test for each woman will vary, however. Factors such as ease of use, cost, and brand should always be considered. When in doubt, or if health is a concern, women are well-advised to seek out the valuable advice of a medical doctor, or licensed midwife.
Digital home pregnancy tests are commonly available for purchase in North America, both online and in most grocery and drug stores. Prices vary by features and brand, but most digital home pregnancy tests are easily affordable, provide peace of mind, and come highly recommended by previous customers.